Moon rocks – not a fan.
Call me old-fashioned, but I prefer a hand-rolled jay or just straight thumbing a nug into a classic glass hammer. No grinder, just a pristine bud pressed squarely into a bowl. Lazy. Cringeworthy. No fuss.
Technically, moon rocks are cannabis buds covered in potent cannabis oil and rolled in potent cannabis kief. But to me, they are just an over-the-top, super-dense melange of “this will make you cough” ingredients.
Nug + oil + kief? Sure, if you also hand me a Squirt + pillow + peppercorn. You’ll also need a few hours to coax me down from the ceiling.
Moon rocks are like the spodi of cannabis. They are a five-gallon trash can filled with Everclear, red juice, and hastily sliced fruit you find at a shitty party. Will you get drunk at that party? Yes. Will you be proud of yourself in the morning?Doubtful.
To be blunt, I hate moon rocks.
Why moon rocks are not it
Reason 1: I love making weed stuff and I hate making moon rocks.
Let me begin by saying I know *how* to make a moon rock. Using weed in new ways is my shit. But making moon rocks is a huge mess.
Making moon rocks is like sex on the beach on a hot muggy day. Sure, it’s sex – great. But you have to take two showers afterward to get all that sand out of your crack.
Even after you complete the first few steps and create those moist lunar nuggets of brain-bubbling THC, you have to wait forever to let them dry.
Personally, I’m terrible at making them and really didn’t care to. Not my product. Not my cup of tea. Also, I hate tea.
Reason 2: They are the hot dogs of cannabis.
I’m curious what people think is in their moon rocks. The likelihood of it being the best bud, oil, and kief all in one product is slim. From a “nose to tail” perspective of weed business operations, you have to do something with your leftovers.
Think of a butcher. They sell their best cuts at premium prices, then take the fat and trimmings and make sausage. Sausages typically aren’t made from the best parts of an animal, but they are a very good tubed mixture of what’s left.
Moon rocks can be like that. Maybe not the best bud, the best distillate, or the best kief, but put it all together and it’s a product greater than the sum of its parts.
I mean, I love a good hot dog, but I prefer steak.
Reason 3: It is hard to prepare for a trip to the moon.
Despite what bajillionaires think, it actually takes a lot of discipline and organization to go to space. Despite what I think, I do not have enough discipline or organization to do moon rocks.
Moon rocks will get you so blazed. In my case, too blazed. I’m a lightweight and getting that blitzed is no bueno for me. I’ve got shit to do.
Moon rocks exist beyond reason
Despite the aforementioned evidence, I can think of three reasons why (I suppose) other people may want to try these kiefy balls of madness.
- You want to have a novel experience and try something you’ve never tried before.
- You want to get super-duper high and be baked in a way you’ve never been baked before.
- You want to enjoy something that was f*cking unimaginable 15 years ago. The fact that you can buy and smoke flower mixed with a distillate rolled in kief? It’s inelegant, it’s chaotic, it’s weed’s version of the turducken.
So maybe I don’t hate moon rocks. Just pack a bowl for me, though. Sandy hotdog space odysseys just aren’t my thing.