Discreetly Dank is a recurring column dedicated to giving a voice to those who dare to be dank. Each volume will come from a different writer in need of a safe space to document what it’s really like to be a weed lover in a world that still hasn’t normalized cannabis.
This Valentine’s Day, I have every intention of being stoned, relaxed, and in the mood for good sex. Don’t get me wrong, being high isn’t a prerequisite to having fun in bed. But, in my experience, weed definitely helps me enjoy it.
Whether it’s the evidence that cannabis works as a muscle relaxant or the many ways cannabis can improve your sex life, cannabis doesn’t just improve my physical experience with sex, but my mental experience, too.
Out of my head, into my bed
Typically, when I’m going about my day-to-day, my head is swimming with an endless cacophony of thoughts. What’s on my to-do list? When’s my next meeting? Am I ready for tomorrow? And unfortunately, being unable to focus on the here and now is not a recipe for good sex. The last thing I want to be thinking about while I’m with an enthusiastic sex partner is if I’ve filed my taxes yet.
Cannabis helps my mind slow down and settle into my body. Just a couple of hits before hitting the sheets, and I find myself mellower, looser, and far more present.
No matter who I’m with, it adds a little more to the experience. I notice the glint in her eyes as she winds her fingers through my hair. I notice the way his muscles go taut as he grabs onto my hips. I notice the sounds of primal moans and breathy exhales or the deep bass of the music we’re listening to. I notice the way my bare skin feels tingly and electric as it rubs against theirs and how good it actually feels to be touched. I notice the connection.
There’s an extra layer of mental vulnerability that goes into getting high and getting freaky with someone. Cannabis seems to make everything feel more raw, more sensitive, and more intense. Every touch is heightened, and even eye contact seems more profound.
This isn’t a dance I’d do with just anybody. And it’s not something I’d enjoy with a one-night stand because when we look into each other’s eyes and realize there’s a whole universe inside them, I want to really know the person I’m also allowing inside me.
Enhancing energy and pleasure
In the BDSM community, they preach ‘safe, sane, and consensual.’ And even though I may enjoy the occasional paddle to my ass, I’m going to make sure it’s in a safe environment where everyone is of sound mind and fully consenting.
I bring this energy to stoned sex too, exactly because of weed’s ability to make things feel more vulnerable. If I’m getting high and naked with someone, it’s because I trust them, and I know they’re going to listen to my yes and my no.
I know that when I’m letting go of my thoughts and trying to feel every single sensation happening in the present moment, my partner(s) will be right there with me, riding that high and maybe rocking their own.
And, of course, cannabis is definitely a great choice for the physical side of sex, too. Weed is a good way to get the party started during foreplay due to its tried-and-tested power as an aphrodisiac.Topicals help you prep to bottom and relax enough to let your partner in, and taking a hit of flower makes a great timeout in the middle of an hours-long, mutual cunnilingus session. It’s all about who you’re with and how deep you’re willing to go with one another.
Just don’t forget the mental side that goes along with having stoned sex, because that’s a huge part of what makes the experience so profoundly unique and special. Put it all together, and it makes for a damn good time, thanks to some damn good weed.