Hemp Shoes: Sweet Kicks or Hippie Bricks? Our Guide to the Greatest and GhastliestLisa RoughMarch 23, 2016
In honor of these new fly-high kicks, we’ve compiled a list of the greatest and ghastliest hemp shoes ever devised – from the funky to the fresh, we’ve looked at them all. Which pair would you wear?
1. The Greatest
Our choice for the coolest hemp-inspired footwear comes from Vans. The Bali SF is available for just $52. Not only do they look comfy, they come in multiple colors, including the classic “Hemp Black/Rasta,” making them hard to resist since they appeal to your inner Rastafarian.
Degree of hempness: 1 irate Harry Anslinger
2. The Hippest
Hemp-loving hipsters, rejoice! TOMS, the environmentally-friendly shoe company known for its philanthropic efforts as part of the “buy one, give one” program, offers a multitude of hemp shoes for both men and women, so your heart will feel as awesome as your feetsies once you slip these puppies on.
Degree of hemponomy: 2 glasses of hemp milk
3. The Funkiest
Our vote for funkiest hemp high tops goes to the Tubular X Mens from Adidas Originals. These shoes have serious lift, but they take a bold personality to pull them off. If you feel like tapping through town in shoes inspired by Marty McFly’s self-lacing futuristic sneakers from Back to the Future 2, this is the shoe for you!
Degree of hempopathy: 1 fifth of hemp-infused artisanal vodka
4. The Comfiest
These boaters aren’t the most fashionable, but they’ll leave your feet feeling as easy and breezy as walking on a cloud. Sanuk offers a plethora of hemp shoes, but these Sidewalk Surfers are perfect for cruising the pavement. They scream that you are cool, casual, and have no interest in fashion but every interest in kushy comfort. Bonus: The description reads “Just because you can roll it doesn’t mean you can smoke it…”
Degree of hemporization: 1 quinoa and hemp seed oil salad
5. The Classiest
I know, I know. You hear the phrase “hemp shoes” and your first thought is the antithesis of fashionable class. However, the Waveoff Lace to Toe Oxford would beg to differ. These lace-ups are inspired by the classic Oxford shoe but combine hemp and leather to create an everyday look that is quite on point.
Degree of hempism: 3 gallons of filtered hemp biodiesel fuel
6. The Rarest
These bad boys were constructed entirely from Nepalese hemp, are handmade by artisans in Kathmandu, and are available exclusively from your friendly, everyday Etsy shop, TheHimalayanEmporium. They are entirely unique and (unfortunately) one of a kind.
Degree of hempitude: 5 stalks of unrefined hemp fiber
7. Most Cliché
You guessed it – hemp sandals! From Nomadic State of Mind, these sandals are essentially hemp rope wrapped in various patterns around your toes. They’re easy to slip on and are ideal for lounging on the beach, perfect for music festivals, and versatile enough to guide you on any adventure of your choosing.
Degree of hemposophy: A hemp seed and hemp milk smoothie
8. The Ugliest
Despite their *ahem* “unique” appearance, these five-finger toe shoes are not all that uncommon, and when you consider the target demographic, a hemp version of these minimalist hush puppies make a whole lotta sense. They may not be the sexiest style, but the CVT-Hemp shoes from Vibram offer a unique, barefooted feel, bringing your inner hippier nature lover as close to running barefoot through the forest as possible.
Degree of hempacity: 200 tubes of hemp oil lip balm
9. The Weirdest
It was quite a feat to find the weirdest, funkiest, most unique shoes made entirely from hemp, but we think we’ve found them from a London-based fashion designer who took it upon herself to make a high heel without any stitching, constructed from 3D printing technology and a variety of materials, including hemp. Unfortunately, these shoes were a mock-up only and not for sale, but check them out! They’re fascinatingly shaped and oddly textured. Would you wear them?
Degree of hempophilia: 5 blocks of hempcrete