A reader emailed to ask about tips for long-term couples consuming cannabis together when neither of them has tried it before. Many couples have utilized cannabis to enhance intimacy, which can feel especially exciting if it’s a brand new experience for everyone involved.

I typically suggest using cannabis solo before bringing in a partner, but if the idea of doing it together for the first time is part of the appeal, here are some tips to help you get started.

Do the Prep Work

If you’re brand new to cannabis, you might not know any of the steps required to obtain it. For folks over 21 living in a recreational state, you can simply walk into a dispensary and get what you like. (Ask a budtender for newbie recommendations!) If you live in a medical state, you’ll need a valid state ID and a recommendation from a doctor.

Choose Your Own Adventure

Sex is whatever you want it to be, so incorporating cannabis for the first time as a couple is a perfect chance to hang up your typical routine and come up with an entirely new, personalized game plan for what you’re hoping to get out of the experience. Maybe you just want to make out. Maybe you want to lie next to each other and masturbate and then share how it felt for each of you. The cool thing about being an adult is you get to make your own rules, as long as everyone is consenting.

As always, negotiate before you medicate, and then keep checking in. Which leads me to…

Check in Frequently

This is a great opportunity to practice checking in with each other, preferably verbally, but if you’ve been together long enough to know your partner’s facial expressions, a look and an eyebrow raise might be all it takes to communicate “I just want to make sure things are still going well for you.” In a lot of ways, this is a brand new sexual experience for both of you, so checking in ensures that everyone is having a good time and creates space to make adjustments if needed.

Pace Yourself, and Don’t Forget About Non-Psychoactive Methods

The golden rule of edibles (start low and go slow) also applies to new cannabis users for any method of consumption. Start with one puff of flower or one hit of a vape. Inhalation effects set in pretty quickly, so you’ll only need to wait 10-15 minutes before deciding if you want more.

While you’re at the dispensary, pick up a bottle of infused oil for massage. It’s a great way to get things started and it can feel a lot safer for a new user to enjoy the somatic benefits of cannabis without the head high.

Be Mindful

The goal of combining cannabis and sex is not to numb out. Be present and notice the sensations that arise in your body over the course of your experience. Share these observations with your partner, and ask what’s happening for them. If you’re extra nerdy, jot down some notes afterward about what you imbibed, how much, how long it took to feel effects, and what the effects were.

Eye Gaze and Cuddle (Belly-to-Belly)

One of my favorite techniques for enhancing intimacy is eye gazing. You’d be shocked at how much of our lives we spend not making eye contact. For this, it’s best to be laying on a flat, comfortable surface facing one another. You get close, literally belly to belly, and wrap your arms around each other. Then you gaze into the left eye of your partner. (In tantra, the left eye is considered the receptive eye).

Do it for as long as it feels comfortable (try 1-2 minutes at first), and notice what you find there. Many people report feeling more deeply connected with their partner after this exercise.

What are some of your experiences using cannabis with a partner for the first time? Share below!

Do you have a sex, relationships, or intimacy dating question? Send it to tips@leafly.com and I may address your request in a future article! (Don’t worry, we’ll keep your queries anonymous.)