Welcome to “Is It Worth the High?”, a new column where our writers see newly released movies, listen to the latest album drops, and try other experiences while high to determine whether they’re worth your time, money, and most importantly, your cannabis buzz. We’re kicking off our series with Dante Jordan’s take on the Marvel superhero sequel Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2.
Product Enjoyed Pre-Movie: Skywalker OG via two blunts
High Experienced (1-10 scale): A 10. Definitely a 10.
I saw Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 and I loved it. If you loved the first one, I guarantee you will love the sequel too because they’re pretty much the same movie:
- Chris Pratt doing his funny guy-leader thing
- Rocket being hilarious and sad
- Groot being your favorite
- Gamora doing the whole “I don’t smile because I only have enough energy in my body to tolerate a maximum of three people in the world” thing, which is exactly who I imagine Zoe Saldana to be in real life
Add in Kurt Russell and it’s damn near a perfect movie. I had an absolute blast watching it.
However, a near-perfect movie doesn’t necessarily mean perfect performances. I hate to be negative on some wannabe film critic shit because I really really, really love the guy, but Chris Pratt ain’t got the juice, man. Hollywood keeps trying to force it on us, but just because you give a white dude a new set of abs doesn’t mean he’s built to be a movie star, and that’s evident by Guardians 2. Those close-up moments where he’s supposed to really dig into your soul and make you feel like calling your parents just to say “I love you”? He doesn’t, and you don’t.
Instead, you watch those moments like “Awww man, at least he’s trying really hard. For a split-second, he almost made me forget he’s still Chris Pratt.” And this is the case, and will probably be the case, for every movie he stars in. He needed Jennifer Lawrence for Passengers, he needed Bryce Dallas Howard (and the Indominus Rex) for Jurassic World, and he’ll need the Guardians cast for as long as this franchise train rolls.
It really feels like Chris Pratt is the star of what should be Bradley Cooper’s movie because Rocket is by far the best and most emotionally-jogging character. Again, I love Chris, but he ain’t who they want us to believe he is. At the end of the day, though, that’s perfectly fine. You can still count me in for 249 volumes of the Guardians of the Galaxy.
Is It Worth the High? Absolutely yes. Matter fact, take a vape pen with you to the theater so you can watch it once, step outside and reload the high, then go watch it one more time. It’s that fun.