Yo Dawg, Celebrate the Big Mac With a Big Mac and Some Big Mac
Our special sauce-clogged hearts are a little heavy today with the news that Jim Delligatti, the creator of the McDonald’s Big Mac, has died at the ripe old age of 98. His invention of the Golden Arches’ signature burger, featuring, as the jingle has permanently imprinted onto our brains, two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun, was invented 40 miles south of Pittsburgh and spread nationwide in 1968.
Although I was more of a Randy Marsh when it came to my McDonald’s order, I encourage all of you Mickey D munchie aficionados to celebrate one of the most iconic concoctions in fast food history via the following steps:
Step 1: Spark Up Some Big Mac
The indica-dominant strain appropriately named “Big Mac” stimulates both the mind and the appetite, making it the perfect bud to pre-funk with before you house 7.6 ounces of cheesy, saucy, burgery goodness. You’ll likely detect notes of berry and citrus while your limbs grow increasingly heavy and warm as you lift your burger for a big bite.
Step 2: Order a Big Mac
Shell out $3.99 for the classic Big Mac, a 563 calorie gut bomb featuring 41% of your daily recommended sodium intake. If you’re on a tight budget, you can opt for this widespread “McDonald’s hack” and instead order a $1 double cheeseburger or McDouble and ask for special sauce, onion, and lettuce instead of pickles and ketchup. It’s smaller than a Big Mac, but it’s also cheaper!
Step 3: Enjoy Your Big Mac and Big Mac with “Return of the Mac(k)”
Toke some Big Mac, take a bite of your Big Mac, and cue up Mark Morrison’s 1996 R&B jam “Return of the Mack.” The bumpin’ beat and nasally, mostly unintelligible lyrics are scientifically proven to help with digestion. (Okay, probably not, but it is a sweet throwback jam.)
If “Return of the Mack” ain’t yo thang, you can instead opt for Wesley Willis’ atonal ode to one of McDonald’s flagship locations in Chicago, “Rock n Roll McDonald’s.” Featuring the creepy Mac Tonight piano-playing moon man, a gyrating Ronald McDonald, Spongebob Squarepants clips, and a pickup truck exploding in a drive-thru, this horrifying ditty will have you swearing off Big Macs for a while…at least until your next smoke sesh awakens the munchies and gives you a hankering for three buns and some processed goodness.