Pax, whipping up firecracker smoothies, or setting up the best cannabis bar a house party could ask for, they bring hilarity to their hijinks and we love them for it.
Caution: These clips are NSFW and contain adult language, sexual situations, and Fred Armisen in a diaper, so viewer discretion is advised.
Season 1, Episode 1: The Ladies Do Some Semi-Naked Cleaning to Score an Eighth
Abbi and Ilana need about $200 for Lil’ Wayne tickets, an eighth of cannabis, and some drinks. Desperate for cash, they try selling pilfered office supplies from Ilana’s work before resorting to cleaning a weirdo’s (impeccably played by Fred Armisen) apartment in their underwear.
Ilana: “Okay, tickets are $50 each, obviously we need an eighth…”
Ilana: “Plus drinks…that’s like two hundred bucks total. And since Todd wouldn’t give me my paycheck…girrllll!” [laughs while flashing open her jacket to show a collection of assorted office supplies hidden inside]
Abbi: “You took all of his office supplies?”
Ilana, in an exaggerated New Yoak accent: “Listen, what I do at my place of work is none of your goddamn business.”
Abbi: “Okay, I think you really need to be fired. Really soon.”
Ilana: “I know.”
All of Season 1, Episode 2: Abbi Tries to Buy Her Own Cannabis Like a Grown Up
Once Abbi realizes that Ilana transports her cannabis via “nature’s pocket,” she concludes that she’s an adult who should be “buying [her] own pot,” so she sets off to acquire her own green without Ilana’s help. After a series of missteps involving hitting up college buddies who are now moms and mistakenly posing as a dealer in Central Park, she scores some green of her own and, like a kid with unsupervised access to candy, can’t handle the freedom of managing her own cannabis intake. The result? Abbi gets too stoned and ornery to function (and she’s convinced that Ilana’s accountant’s framed photo of his family is a Magic Eye illusion).
Ilana: “You know, the vuh-yine-yuh is nature’s pocket. It’s, it’s natural. And it’s responsible.”
Season 1, Episode 9: Ilana Gets High to Remember Where Her Remote Is
Ilana needs to find and return an old cable remote so the company will stop charging her fees. After coming across her old college Dictaphone that she used to record some of her best high-deas, she realizes that she was probably high the last time she had the remote and stoner-concludes that she must get high-est so she can remember where she left it.
Recording of Ilana: “Great idea #9: It’s like Facebook, but just for photos.” [bong bubbles] “I guess it could be videos too, but mostly photos.”
Ilana’s roommate Jaime: “Ilana. You invented the Instagram.”
Ilana, laughing: “That’s insane!”
Season 2, Episode 1: Ilana Teaches Some Young Potawans About ‘The Dangers of Ripping Underaged Bongs’
Fed up with the brutal summer heat, Abbi and Ilana hit up Ilana’s old dorm room to snag the air conditioning unit she left behind. They pretend to be resident advisors to dupe the dorm’s current inhabitants and smoke them out. (No, we don’t condone underage cannabis consumption, but enjoy the clip for the lulz.)
Ilana: “Yeah, I invented this app. Well, okay, I didn’t invent it yet, but soon. It’s this photo app that, um, adds lasers to images. So you can put lasers coming out of eyes, or nipples, or buttholes, heh heh.”
College kid: “That’d be pretty cool…if it wasn’t already an app.”
All of Season 2, Episode 3: Ilana Makes Abbi a ‘Firecracker Smoothie’ for Post-Surgery Pain Management
Ilana plays nurse to Abbi after a wisdom teeth extraction, first getting cannabis from one of her “weed dudes” in an impressive exchange that “lit-ruh-lee [takes] two seconds,” then taking her home and dressing up Walter White-style to whip up a pain-relieving “firecracker smoothie” consisting of a gram of cannabis, Nutella, chocolate gelato, milk, graham crackers, and marshmallows. Unfortunately, due to a painkiller dosing mishap, Ilana loses her drug-induced gal pal and has to implement her tracking skills to eventually find Abbi (and Bingo Bronson) down at Whole Foods, where Abbi dropped $1,400 on overpriced artisanal groceries.
A heavily sedated Abbi: “Do you wanna hear my Drew Barrymore impression?”
Ilana: “Yas kween! Please, Drew Barrymore!”
Abbi: “I love Jimmy Fallonnn…um, I have. My own. Makeup line. OH MY GOD am I being SO MEAN I love her you know she’s my favorite!”
Season 2, Episode 6: Abbi Smokes a Joint to Cope With the Pain From a Twisted Ankle
Upon realizing that they’ve been sucked into “the Matrix” and were dicking around on the Internet all day, Abbi and Ilana decide to leave their phones at home while they attend a dog wedding at Central Park. Unfortunately, a rollerblading mishap results in Abbi falling into a hole and twisting her ankle, leaving Ilana to seek out help without the aid of her smartphone. While she awaits rescue, Abbi smokes some joints to manage her ankle pain and repeatedly re-describes her ideal happy place.
Abbi, whispering to herself: “Oww! Ughhhh. Okay, pain is in the brain. Ow! Pain is in the brain, pain is in my stupid, stupid brain.” [hits joint]
Abbi: “I’m down the shore with my family [hits joint], we’re at the beach, it’s fine. No, fuck that! Fuck that! I am at dinner with Elijah Wood. And people are saying that we’re so cute together [hits joint], and all we get is dessert. No, fuck that! I am at an extravagant. Flea market. With Mark! Ruffalo! Yes! [hits joint] All we want is some wooden milk crates to line our office slash maybe nursery one day [whispers] but we don’t say that to everybody. NO! I am in Turks and Caicos right now with Taye Diggs [hits joint]. There’s no pain when you’re gettin’ your grooooove back!”
Season 2, Episode 9: Ilana Discovers Something About Her Doppelganger That’s a Deal-Breaker
Ilana is instantly drawn to a stranger named Adele who she later realizes is her Doppelganger (played to perfection by Alia Shawkat, aka Maeby Fünke from Arrested Development). While they’re hooking up she breaks the news to her new ladypal, but Adele is already wise to the Doublemint Twin situation and is totally fine with it. Unfortunately, Ilana is too weirded out by their physical similarities but pushes to stay friends in case of an “organ donation or jury duty” situation. However, when she offers Adele a hit off her joint and Adele turns her down by saying, “Oh, no, I don’t smoke pot,” it’s an instant deal-breaker.
Ilana: “I wanna put this delicately cuz I don’t wanna freak you out too much, but…it came to my attention that we look exactly alike.”
Adele: “Yeah, no shit.”
Ilana: “You knew?!”
Adele: “I’m not blind.”
Season 3, Episode 4: Ilana Sets Up a Cannabis Bar for Her House Party
In an effort to recoup the money she and her roommate Jaime spent to pay for a rat exterminator, Ilana decides to throw a house party with a cover charge. She hits up her “weed box” and discovers it’s empty, but not to worry, Ilana’s got (numerous) emergency nug backups. (Check out these bonus screenshots that captured Ilana’s “weed kween” selections and tasting notes, featuring Stonehenge, Red Dwarf, Blue Dream, Sour Diesel, and Bottle Dragon.)
Ilana: “Weed kween.”
(This video’s embed is wonked, so click on the screenshot to watch the clip on Comedy Central’s website.)
Broad City Shorts: ‘Abbi Gets Back Into Pot’
Before Broad City got picked up by Comedy Central, it started as a web series created by Abbi Jacobson and Ilana Glazer. In these short clips, Abbi announces that she’s ready to “get back into pot again,” to the absolute glee of her BFF Ilana. They hit up one of Ilana’s dealers, whom Abbi thoughtfully pays in small bills so the dealer can easily make change for his future customers. Later, the ladies get stoned, watch some TV, and hit up a convenience store to quell their munchies.
Abbi: “I think I…kind of want to get back into pot again.”
Ilana: “Are you kidding me?!”
Abbi: “No, I’m serious.”
Ilana: “Oh my god, this is like – this is the best day of my life.”
Bonus: A Compilation of ‘All the Weed’ in Broad City
The folks at Digg created a supercut of Broad City‘s many cannabis moments. Enjoy!
Watch season 3 of Broad City currently airing on Comedy Central, or catch up on the series via Comedy Central or Hulu.
What’s your favorite Broad City moment? Share in the comments!
Image Source: Lane Savage via IMDb